he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You're a waste of cheezeits
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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