Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
