Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
