I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
