All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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