WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
