is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
