also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
