There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
