I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
