Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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