omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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