i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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