I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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