therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
