i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
