If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
