we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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