I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
