people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
