i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
