yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
