Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
