i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
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When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
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Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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