I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
