My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
