I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
