So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
