That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
