I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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