hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
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Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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