I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
