Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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