We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
