My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
