I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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