dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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