So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
