If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
