The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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