I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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