Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
