I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
