In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
