he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
