Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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