I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
