pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
