kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
