Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
