If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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