It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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