There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
