Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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