we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
