I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
