I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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