is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
