i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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