He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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