I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
