apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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