dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize