you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
two words: eviction party
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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