Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
