so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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