Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
