That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
