Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
