He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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