I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
