I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
