fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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