I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
