one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
